Special Tea: Malai maar ke..

Once upon a time there was a lady who was appointed as Assistant Warden for the great hostel. Her prime responsibility was to ensure that girls were taken care in the hostel and they do not get an opportunity to sneak away (with or without a guy was not a point then). This lady was in her late forties with grey & black hair which were never colored. She seemed to be too much into godly stuff (by that we mean praying etc)… and had a peculiar way of greeting people. She used to ask – “ theek ho, theek ho” whenever u see or greet her. Theek ho was twins for her… by which we mean she never uttered single theek ho! So sometimes we used to ridicule her as theeko aunty. We also had our set of clowns who used to go and ask her “theek ho..theek ho aunty?”

She joined when it was ragging time for us. We were counting on her as to be a rescue agent who will free us from the inhuman treatment of our seniors. We wanted her to know that we were being ragged in a college where officially ragging was ban. None of us could open up to her and tell her the truth as she was new in the system and her credibility or what you can call as reliability was not known to any of us. We were also holding back thinking what if she turns out to be a relative or a known aunt of a senior and reveals the complete thing to them? The possibility of such a deadly scenario’s outcome was way beyond our imaginations! Senior would not only rag but will rip us apart if they come to know that we opened our mouth.

The only hope of getting relieved from such a treatment was to get it noticed without being caught. As always seniors had called us at a ghastly hour to rag. They assumed that Assistant Warden had slept at ground floor in her room and it was safe. We had planned in a different manner. 2 of us had gone to ask for medicines which were in assistant warden’s custody. (Why medicines in Custody – “Guess the hostel management feared that girls might not like the food in hostel and depend on tablets as a supplement to food for they were free of cost).

She asked which one and they randomly picked a name as though there was something fishy. She gave the medicine and sensed it. We were 100% sure that she smelled the thing and would come in the direction just like a dog comes chasing from a piece of meat. While we were getting ragged, she appeared from no where and just saw all of us sitting on ground floor and she saw all seniors on the chairs/Bed. She asked seniors “What’s happening?” and they answered that just a get together and pretended it to be a birthday party of one of them. How instant their excuse was. Wardie assumed it to be true and joined them in their false merriment. She felt sleepy and excused herself. As she left, we all felt like idiots. We realized how dumb she was to not figure out a ragging session. We had to convince ourselves that she had done her graduation some 30 yrs ago and then ragging was not a word which was this popular. This buzz was to create panic for destitute like us.

The ragging saga continued and scapegoats (we) were slaughtered everyday. We just returned from college one afternoon and saw 2 cute looking - fat girls sitting there. (I always argue with my friends that fat people can also look cute & when they don’t agree, I tell them look at me and the instant agreement comes). They were of our age. We thought 2 new bakra’s of the season and we smiling within. Our happiness eloped when Wardie told us that those were her daughters and had to come to stay for a day to experience hostel life. (Yes, why not after all it was 8th wonder of this world to see and experience!)

Anyways, we had nothing but to accept the uninvited guests. Those two moron were put with us to experience the hostel life…We had to tell them everything on how we do things…how we crave for homemade food, how we miss families...how badly we miss friends (shhhhh….not to be confused with boyfriends) etc etc. After giving download, we presumed that it was an end of the whole “feel-like-zoo-animal” experience (but assumption & presumptions are mere imaginations and just a feel good factor thing). The frightful experience was awaited and we presented ourselves on senior’s floor at the ghostly hour. As they were about to address, we saw Wardie & gang of two fatso daughters. We thought it’s a coffee break but they came and made themselves comfortable on chairs which were empty there. Seniors continued as if it was a normal session and we had 3 mute spectators there who were enlightening themselves with our oscar winning performances. We pitied ourselves and gave the best performances. As we thought we had done enough of entertainment to our esteemed guests and respectable seniors, the last in the series was the “Guest's Demands”. Now unbelievably those B***** had request for a Mujra performance. Saying no was never an option. (We could relate ourselves to hema malini of Sholay, who says nahinmnnnn….main naachoongi…jab tak hai jaan….). After our customer felt delighted, we were sent back and another chapter of humiliation book was completed. It was then, we could relate to the episode of Wardie turning on her first night of round and leaving us without rescuing coz she was all determined to show her daughters what is called as an “adventure”.

Ragging was over and we became good friends with seniors. There was a lady called Lovely who was really lovely :) She was a sort, who wud do anything for friendship. She was thin girl with wheatish complexion & a blunt cut. Wardie slowly turned into a leech (leech: an animal which stick to human and leaves after sucking all the blood). She used to irritate by engaging in long meaningless, mirthless conversations. It was becoming intolerable for all…including seniors. (Putting a plastic smile and responding to twin theek ho was not easy...Mind You!)

One fine afternoon, we were assembled at lovely’s room and we were casually chit chatting. The grand entry of Lady Wardie happened and the fun turned into a nightmare. She started addressing the assemblage and lovely lovely got pipped and found a way. She excused herself by going for a cup of tea. We were never told those many stories by our grandparents. Those god stories were good for our database but the overdose acted like a horror film and our faced had turned white as a consequence... She banged the door with her leg & could spot her frozen friends. We saw that she was holding a cup of tea. Like a decent (superlative degree) girl, she offered the cup of tea to aunty of all the people. We felt like throwing the same hot tea on her face and ruining her face for pleasing aunty for no rhyme or reason. Aunty sipped the tea and lovely kept observing her face.

She broke the silence by asking Wardie “ hows the chai aunty”.

Aunty replied “ very tasty”
Lovely –“ I made it specially for you”
Aunty –“ How”
Lovely – Actually I went in the mess and made it myself. It’s a special chai..malai maar ke (added cream) …cant u figure out
Aunty – yes..yes..its wonderful!

Aunty left and lovely fell on her bed…much relaxed. We “the frozens” were confused with lovely’s gesture towards aunt and we were speechless. “Wud she do *** licking of such people?” was all that crossed our minds.

Lovely said - “ Comeon guys, relaxed!”

“How could you do it? You know what state we were in lovely! Your gesture will welcome her further to our rooms…as it is we don’t study but after being cooped here...gossiping is the only medium to refresh ourselves and gossiping doesn’t mean talking about gods!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” One of the girl shouted on her.

Lovely tried to calm us down but invain. She shouted back on us and we all were mum for a minute. Then she explained “You guys think I was pleasing her? Are you guys nuts? ...i haven’t done a single act of humanity in my entire life and I wouldn’t start from her atleast! I went to get tea for myself, as my head was spinning!…but then a trick flashed to me. I took the tea and while coming down I had spit in it. I came and gave the same tea to her to vent my frustration and told her that it was exclusive for her coz it was malai maar ke”.

We did not know how to react on it...it was disgustingly funny for us. She made our day and we promised ourselves that whenever we are irritated and can’t see any mercy, we will vent out frustrations by giving malai maar ke chai. That became the special chai of the hostel. That was the day people took the last tea from each other. Every girl preferred getting her tea in her own mug in front of her ;)